Twice Shy
by Jackson Hanning
Summary: Everyone makes mistakes. Including Antonio Carriedo. After walking out on the only man he ever really loved, there's a hole in his heart that only one surly Italian can fill. Lovino Vargas doesn't plan to ever trust anyone again. When the Spaniard he hates waltzes back into his life, Lovino is torn between hatred and desire. Once bitten, twice shy. M for language, half a lemon...
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

The room was grey and cold when the young man opened his eyes. The sound of rain hitting the window pane reached his ears and explained the lack of sunlight coming through the curtains that had been forgotten and left open. He blinked and pulled back the covers, standing and crossing to the window. The world was grey outside his window, everything soaked from the rainfall and dull from the pale light that managed to filter through the thick, dark clouds. He heard the door creak somewhere behind him and knew he was not the only one stirring.

"Lovino?"

The quiet, questioning call sounded from the doorway, but Lovino did not turn.

"What, Feliciano?"

The door creaked again as Lovino's younger brother pushed it fully open to come inside. "I made breakfast! Are you hungry, Lovi? I made lots-"

"I'm not hungry." Lovino's harsh interruption almost brought tears to his brother's eyes.

"But Lovino, you've got to eat. Please. You haven't eaten anything in days! Not since you and To-"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY A WORD, FELICIANO!" Lovino screamed. Feliciano shrank back toward the doorway at the outburst.

"Lovi, please," Feliciano quietly pleaded, tears springing to his amber eyes. "You've got to be hungry. Even just a little."

His brother's quiet pleas nearly broke him. Lovino wanted to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. He'd been there for days already. Shutting out the world. Trying in vain to forget the hurt, the pain, the name. It was still there. Lovino wanted to forget, but he knew he never would. That name would forever be branded on Lovino. In his memory. On his heart. The name of that carefree Spaniard who had won Lovino's heart, only to break it and leave half of it shattered in the dust. But only half.

The other Antonio still had. And Lovino knew he always would.

But Antonio was gone now. _Good riddance_, Lovino thought, then immediately winced. He didn't mean it. Not really. If he could have his way, Antonio would have been there beside him this morning. Kissing him awake like he used to. Being the annoying bastard Lovino loved.

Antonio was gone, and Lovino was here. Alone again. Well, he had Feliciano. Which was a comfort. But Lovino would never admit it to anyone. Especially his brother.

Lovino sighed. "Fine. Maybe I'm a little hungry..."

Feliciano's eyes widened in surprise. He had been expecting another outburst from Lovino. Yesterday it had ended with Lovino throwing his alarm clock at Feliciano's head. Feliciano knew his brother's heart had been broken. He also knew his brother was strong. Stronger than this. He wondered why it was taking Lovino so long to bounce back. Antonio had left before. But Feliciano didn't know why this time was different.

"Ve~!" Feliciano said in delight. "Are you going to come downstairs or do you want me to bring it to you?"

Lovino thought for a moment. If he was ever going to get over the Spaniard, he would have to get out of his bed. It still smelled like Antonio, after all. It took every ounce of strength he had not to change his mind, scream at Feliciano, and dive back into bed.

"I'll come down."

Feliciano's eyes lit up as he watched Lovino come closer. Cautiously testing the waters, Feliciano slowly reached out his hand and took Lovino by the wrist. When Lovino didn't pull away, Feliciano gently tugged him down the stairs to the kitchen.

Once downstairs, Feliciano pressed his big brother into a seat at the table. "Ve, Ludwig!" Feliciano exclaimed to his boyfriend, who was seated at the table reading the newspaper. "Look who finally came down!"

Ludwig glanced over the top of his paper and blinked in surprise when he saw the brooding Italian seated there.

"Guten tag, Lovino."

"Shut up, Potato Bastard," Lovino snapped. He hadn't realized Ludwig would be here. Seeing his little brother's boyfriend reminded him of his own. "Pass me that coffee."

Ludwig, accustomed to such words from Lovino by now, simply slid the coffee pot across the table and went back to his paper. Lovino drank his coffee greedily while Feliciano, overjoyed by the simple feat of getting his brother out of bed - which hadn't actually been his doing, but he over looked this at the moment - quickly filled a plate with food.

Lovino didn't even glance at the food before he began to eat. He was actually starving. He hadn't eaten in three days. Feliciano took a seat beside Ludwig and watched Lovino with rapt attention, as if the surly Italian's eating habits held the answer to every question Feliciano had ever had. Ludwig glanced down at Feliciano and smiled just a little. Feliciano had been worried sick for Lovino these past few days. Ludwig placed a gentle, reassuring hand on his boyfriend's shoulder as Feliciano kept his eyes glued to Lovino.

"Quit staring, idiot," Lovino said, his mouth full of toast. "You're freaking me out."

"Sorry!" Feliciano squeaked, casting his eyes to the table. It didn't stop him from glancing up every two seconds to look at his brother. "Are... are you feeling better?"

Feliciano asked the question so quietly Lovino almost didn't hear him. Lovino ducked his head and poked a fork at his breakfast. "I don't want to talk about it," Lovino said firmly. _I never want to talk about it again._

"Are you going back to bed now?" Feliciano's next question was even softer, as if he were terrified that Lovino would actually retreat back to his room.

"No," Lovino said, surprising himself. "I'm over it now." He suddenly looked up and stared at the other two at the table. "But if I hear either of you say that bastard's name in this house again, I will kill you."

Ludwig rolled his eyes as Feliciano quickly showered Lovino with promises, getting dangerously close to uttering the forbidden name. He knew Lovino wasn't over the Spaniard. He had always been in love with him, and he probably always would be. He also knew that Antonio Carriedo was now the most hated man in Lovino Vargas's life.

God help that Spaniard should he ever cross paths with either of the Vargases again.


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE_**  
**_

_**Three years later**_

Antonio Carriedo woke with a start. Placing a hand on his heaving chest, he struggled to regain his breath. It felt like his heart would break.

Again.

_Three years,_ Antonio thought grimly. _How could I have been so stupid? So selfish? So careless?_

"I wish I could go back, Lovi," Antonio whispered to the empty room. "Every day I wish you back, and every night I fall asleep with my arms aching to hold you."

The wishes were futile. It had taken him years to gain Lovino's trust in the first place. And he's ruined all that with one silly mistake. He left.

The biggest mistake the Spaniard had ever made was leaving Lovino. He regretted it with every breath.

I just want to go home, Antonio thought mournfully. He had avoided the city he had spent so much of his life in for three years. Because he was afraid.

Afraid of seeing Lovino.

Afraid of not seeing Lovino.

He was terrified. Part of him wanted to go back, see Lovino, sweep him off his feet once again. He knew he could. He'd done it once. He could do it again. He would go back. He would march up to the Vargas house. He would storm inside, kiss Lovino harder than he'd ever been kissed before, and live happily ever after.

There were flaws in his plan.

The first being that when Lovino was angry, he stayed angry. It had taken Antonio a year of patience to get him to smile. Another year before he had heard those whispered words "Ti amo" before smooth lips took the initiative to kiss Antonio instead of vice versa. And Lovino hadn't even hated him then. After the argument they'd had and three years of silence... Lovino was sure to hate Antonio now.

The second flaw was that Antonio hadn't seen Lovino in three years. They'd parted on angry terms. Antonio wondered more and more these days if Lovino had moved on. Found someone else. It wasn't like Antonio had been attracted to him out of pity. True, not many had the patience to put up with his constant cursing and insulting... but it had been three years. It had only taken Antonio two.

The third and final flaw in Antonio's plan was that he wasn't brave enough. To go to Lovino's house and assume everything was as it had been when he left. To assume that Lovino would forgive him and they would go back to normal in the blink of an eye. Antonio wasn't stupid. He was oblivious, sometimes, but not stupid. He knew it didn't work like that. Nobody worked like that.

The dreams were getting worse, though. Every morning he woke up from a nightmare. They were all different, but at the same time identical. All of them ended with Lovino screaming how much he hated Antonio and pulling out a gun. Antonio woke up with a pain in his chest, right where the Dream-Lovino had aimed and fired his gun.

Antonio knew he was still in love. Knew he would never find another love like the one he'd had with Lovino. So he had two choices.

Live alone forever, waiting and regretting and wishing. Never knowing what might have been if only he'd tried.

Or he could go back.

Antonio couldn't decide which was more painful in the long run. But on this morning, he made his decision.

He had to see Lovino. One more time.


	3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

**Author note: I have made a revision to the prologue. Lovino is actually two years older than Feliciano. So yeah. Not twins. That's the only mistake I made. Here's your next chapter.**

* * *

Feliciano Vargas hurried through the crowded market, expertly weaving his way through the maze of people to quickly reach his destination. He knew this market like the back of his hand. His brother on the other hand struggled to follow as the tiniest opening closed as soon as Feliciano had slipped through.

"Feli!"

Feliciano giggled at the sound of his brother's exasperated voice. He moved back through the crowd and found his brother, only a few feet away.

"This way, Lovi," Feliciano said, taking Lovino's wrist and pulling him through the crowd.

When Feliciano reached his first stop, he released Lovino and set his attention on the produce stand, selecting the best of the plump, ripe fruits. He glanced over and saw Lovino bite into a tomato. He glanced nervously at the rough-looking man in charge of the stand. "Can't you wait, Lovi?" Feliciano whispered.

"Nope," Lovino replied, staring back at the brutish man scowling across at him. "It's not like we aren't going to pay for it anway."

Feliciano winced at the man behind the table. "I'll pay for all of it. Don't worry, ve~?"

All he received in reply was a grunt.

Feliciano hurried to finish his selections and pay for it all, then grabbed Lovino's wrist again before rushing on to the next stand.

Lovino wasn't sure why Feliciano had dragged him out here this morning. He wasn't sure why he'd let him. Lovino usually didn't rise in the morning until Feliciano was back from his weekly market trip. This morning was different, for some reason or another. Lovino couldn't put his finger on it. He was... well, he was almost happy this morning.

The feeling didn't last long.

Feliciano's stop at the milk cart was last. He pressed one of his baskets into Lovino's hands so he could carry the milk. Lovino tapped his foot impatiently as Feliciano began a friendly chat with the woman running the stand. He had done this all morning with the various stall keepers. Lovino had no idea how Feliciano managed to get home before noon at the rate he was going.

Impatient and knowing that this stop was last, Lovino quickly tired of waiting for his brother and decided to go home. He spun on his heel and took a step before he crashed into someone else carrying a large box.

Lovino swore loudly, unsure of whose fault the accident was. He scrambled to retrieve all the fruits and vegetables that had fallen from Feliciano's basket before they were crushed under the heels of the crowd. As he did, he saw two strong, tanned hands reaching to help him gather his produce. Then the voice.

"Lo siento mucho, amigo! I was not watching where I was going. Pero you came out of nowhere! I..."

The voice trailed off when it's speaker finally caught sight of the look he was getting from the Italian man. Green eyes met hazel and widened in recognition. "Ay dios mio," Antonio whispered. "Lovino."

"Oh my god, you _bastard_!" Lovino spat, his voice low and smouldering with anger. "What the hell are you doing here?"

All the prepared excuses Antonio had spent the last week coming up with flew out of his head. He had practiced and practiced, trying to prepare himself for the day when he would finally gather the courage to go see Lovino... all those rehearsed lines disappeared when Antonio's eyes locked on Lovino's. "I-I... came to... to see you, Lovino," Antonio finally whispered.

Antonio thought he saw the tiniest spark of surprise, and maybe even pleasure in Lovino's eyes, but it was quickly gone. "Why?"

"I-I thought..." Antonio faltered. Why had he come back? He couldn't remember. It would have been less painful to spend the rest of his life alone. At least that way he could remember the happiness he'd had with Lovino. This look Lovino was giving him... it hurt worse than anything Antonio had ever experienced.

"You thought what?" Lovino snapped impatiently, his voice rising in anger. "You thought you leave like that and come back, three years later, like nothing ever happened? You thought I would forgive you? Take you back? Hell no, bastard! You thought wrong! _Ti odio,_ you bastard! I've moved on." Lovino dropped the last of the produce back into the basket and hurried to his feet.

Antonio quickly stood and reached out to Lovino, who recoiled like Antonio's hand was a rattlesnake about bite. "Wait! Lovi!"

"Don't call me that, you bastard," Lovino snapped. "Chigi! Go away. I never want to see you again!"

By this time, Feliciano had heard Lovino yelling and come to find his brother. When he saw Antonio, he nearly dropped his load in surprise. "Toni!"

Antonio barely glanced at the younger Vargas, he was too focused on Lovino. He hadn't recognized Lovino at first. It wasn't so much that he'd changed... it was that he hadn't. The same dark hair with that adorable curl to one side, perpetually sticking out. Those soft, perfect pink lips and that smooth, olive skin and those fiery hazel eyes... Lovino hadn't changed. No, something had. His eyes. Those ever-changing eyes now held hate, distrust, and hurt as they stared at Antonio. The mixture was foreign. Antonio hated it. And he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Feliciano looked at Lovino, who surprisingly wasn't headed for home as fast as he could retreat. None of them were really sure why. Probably because, no matter how much Lovino hated the Spaniard... he was still in love.

Finally Lovino blinked hard and raced away, leaving Feliciano and Antonio behind.

Feliciano stared hard at Antonio for a long moment. "I don't know why you came back, Toni," the Italian said quietly. "But if it isn't for the right reason, I think it's best for everyone if you just leave again." Feliciano took a step closer as Antonio finally made eye contact with him. "Because if you hurt him again, he won't have to carry out his vow to kill you. I'll do it for him."

Antonio blinked in surprise. What had happened to the perpetually smiling Feliciano he knew and loved? However, he had no doubt that the happy-go-lucky young man was not only capable of such things, but would have no trouble carrying this threat out for the sake of protecting the only living flesh-and-blood relative he had left. "I-I understand."

Feliciano's eyes narrowed for a moment before he broke eye contact and headed after Lovino.

Antonio watched the spot where they disappeared for a long time after they had gone.

* * *

My Spanish sucks, but hopefully this isn't TOO butchered...  
Lo siento mucho, amigo - I am very sorry, friend - Spanish  
Pero - but - Spanish  
Ay dios mio - oh my god - Spanish  
Ti odio - I hate you - Italian

* * *

**Yaha! Chapter Two! What do you think of THAT?**  
**Leave a review if you've got the time! Would be so glad to hear from you! And thank you SO MUCH to Maedhros, soulglutton98, and radio-dammit for your reviews! **

**-Jack**


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Lovino practically ran home, smouldering with anger and trying to hold back the tears pressing against the backs of his eyes. _I am NOT going to cry over that bastard! Not again!_ He told himself over and over again, but it didn't staunch the emotions seeing Antonio had refreshed. _I still love him,_ Lovino admitted to himself, at the same time cursing himself for doing so.

When he reached the front door of his house, he dropped the basket on the step and stumbled over the threshold. An unperturbed Ludwig sat inside, a book open in his hand. He glanced up in time to see Lovino dart past and up the stairs. The ready greeting died on his lips when he heard the door to Lovino's room slam shut.

"Another wonderful morning in the Vargas household," Ludwig muttered to himself, laying aside his book and standing to close the front door, which Lovino had failed to close. Before he could, however, Feliciano appeared on the step, panting slightly and looking winded.

"Ve~" Feliciano said, coming to a stop when he saw Ludwig. "Lovi?"

"Just ran upstairs," Ludwig finished. "What is going on? Did he get in another argument with Sadiq?"

Feliciano shook his head in denial. "No."

"Then what is going on? Feliciano..." Ludwig reached out and took hold of one of Feliciano's arms as he pushed past, moving toward the kitchen with baskets of produce.

"Luddy," Feliciano moaned quietly. He left his purchases on the ground and allowed himself to be wrapped in the strong arms of his lover. "Antonio was in the market today."

"What?" Ludwig looked down at Feliciano. "Did you say...?"

Feliciano nodded. "Ve... I don't know what happened. I was talking with Miss Katyusha, like always, si? And suddenly I hear Lovi yelling. I kinda ignored it at first, because he's always mad about something, but then it got louder! I said my goodbye to Miss Katyusha and went to find him. And when I do, I see Toni standing there, looking at Lovi like he's water in the desert, just like he used to, and Lovi's yelling and then the running away and I told Toni if he every hurt Lovi again that Lovi wouldn't have to kill him..." Here Feliciano stopped and looked up at Ludwig, complete and utter sincerity in his eyes. "That I would."

Ludwig hadn't followed the whole string of nonsense, because part of it had been in Italian and all of it had been rushed. However, he understood the last bit clearly. He had no doubt that Feliciano was beyond loyal to his brother. It had driven Feliciano nearly mad with worry the first few days after Lovino and Antonio's break up. The days where Lovino had locked himself in his room, and the only sounds were strings of drunken curses in a mixture of Italian and English and Spanish, and the occasional sound of a glass bottle hitting the wall and shattering. Ludwig and Feliciano still didn't know what had caused the fight between the two in the first place.

"You did _gut,_ Feliciano," was all Ludwig said.

"But... Ludwig... I didn't do anything!"

"Nein, you let Antonio know that it wasn't something to take lightly... his fight with Lovino. Whatever the reason the Spaniard is back for, knowing that he isn't exactly in our highest regards will make him think carefully about what he says and what he does. If anything."

"Why do you think he is back?"

"I don't know, Feliciano. But if Antonio is anything the same as he was, he's still hopelessly in love with one rude, obnoxious, foul-mouthed Italian."

"So you think I did the right thing?"

Ludwig tightened his hold on the younger man. "Ja."

Feliciano smiled the tiniest bit and stood on tiptoe with his head tilted back. Ludwig automatically bridged the gap by leaning down and kissing him. They fit well together. They had for a while now. Ludwig knew that if it was in his power, they always would.

When Feliciano dropped his heels to the floor again, he glanced back toward the stairs and Lovino's room, his fingers still clinging to Ludwig's shirt. "Do you think I should go talk to him?"

"The door will probably be locked," Ludwig stated. "Maybe you should just let him be for a while. He'll come around eventually. Always does, ja?"

"Ja!" Feliciano agreed, his attempt at German making Ludwig smile. The thick Italian accent did not lend itself to proper German pronunciation.

"Let's put these groceries away then," Ludwig said, releasing Feliciano and gathering all the bags and baskets Feliciano had left fall. "Don't forget the one on the stoop."

"Ve, thanks Luddy!" Feliciano grinned.

"Don't give it a second thought, Feliciano. I am always happy to help you."

* * *

Gut - Good - German  
Ja - Yes - German  
Nein - No - German  
Si - yes - Italian

* * *

_**Hurrah! I've managed to write an entire chapter and still haven't told you a thing! **_  
_**Seriously, if I'm boring you I'm really sorry. I'd tell you to stop reading if you're bored, but I can't tell you what to do. I hate when people do that. Maybe I should just ask you to trust me: you'll find out about the fight SOON!**_  
_**Leave a review if you have time? Next chapter coming soon!**_

_**-Jack**_


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Upstairs, Lovino allowed himself to let go. The tears poured down his face as a swarm of emotions fought for prominence. Anger. Hurt. Loneliness. Hate. Longing.

The space in his heart that had sat empty for so long ached. The harder Lovino tried to make himself hate Antonio, the more he knew he never really could. Which made him even more angry.

Seeing Antonio had surprised him, to say the least.

Why had he come back? He'd left three years ago without a backward glance. Without a goodbye. Lovino should have known it wouldn't last. There was one reason that had made him hold out so long on trusting Antonio in the first place. He was afraid Antonio would get tired of him. Leave.

That's why it hurt so bad. It's why Lovino could never forgive Antonio.

He'd left.

He had promised to always be there, and he left. He lied.

Lovino hastily wiped the hot, angry tears from his cheeks, but they were quickly replaced. He collapsed onto his bed, trying not to think about Antonio and thinking of nothing else.

Why? Why now? Why was he back?

_I came to see you, Lovino... _

Wasn't that what Antonio had said? What could he want from Lovino now? After all this time?

Only one thing came to Lovino's mind. He quickly pushed it away. _No way am I forgiving that jerk,_ Lovino thought hastily. _I'm never trusting him again._

Memories flooded back. Bits and pieces of the last time he had seen Antonio. Harsh accusations and loud defenses... It was definitely their worst fight. Of course it was. It had ended it all. Everything. With one fight.

_"How can you fucking lie to my face like this? I saw you with him!"_

_"It is not what you think, Lovi! Por favor, listen to what I am telling you! Why would I hurt mi tomate like that?"_

_"I don't know, bastard, why would you? Were you bored? Ready to move on like you always do? Like you ALWAYS do!"_

_"No, Lovi! Ay dios mio, why won't you LISTEN?"_

_"Because you're lying! You've been lying since the beginning! How could I ever have believed you that I was different? That I was an exception?"_

_"No! Lovi I am not lying! You ARE the exception! The only exception! Ay dios, why won't you just LISTEN?"_

_"CHIGI! You're such a lying bastard! I'll never trust you again! I'll never trust ANYONE again!"_

Lovino's body convulsed with sobs at each remembered word. He'd never let Antonio explain. If he had listened, the Spaniard would have calmed him. Convinced him. Lovino had always trusted him. Because Antonio had a tell. Usually, in an argument, Antonio would fall silent after a few minutes of fighting, leaving Lovino to rage and scream by himself until he calmed down. If he was lying, he would never let the argument die until Lovino believed him. Lovi had figured that out a long time ago.

It was why three years of silence had Lovino questioning himself.

Antonio had left in the middle of the argument. Lovino had spent the following twenty-four hours getting smashingly drunk. When he finally came around and dragged himself out of bed, he had discovered he didn't have to start avoiding Antonio.

He had left.

Without word, without warning. Just packed his things and left. His flat-mates, Gilbert and Francis, had asked if Lovino knew why Antonio had left, and where he'd gone. He only ignored them. Let them think what they would. Lovino never understood how Antonio liked them anyway. Who cared what they thought? It was their fault anyway.

His heart feeling like it would break in his chest all over again, Lovino reached for the hidden panel in his night stand. Inside was a clear, glass bottle. A bottle he had purchased from the Russian who lived in town. The first one had been mostly a joke... a bottle of vodka the Russian had given the Italian just to see the look on his face when he tasted it. The two had never been on very good terms. Lovino hadn't even opened that first one until that last fight with Antonio. After Antonio had gone, and Lovino had run out of wine to drink and bottles to shatter against the walls. Then he remembered the liquor from the Russian.

Lovino had thanked him for it later. Thanked him, and bought another bottle. And two the following week.

Lovino hated the taste, the burn of the strong alcohol. But it did the trick. Helped him forget. Of course, he could never forget entirely. But the vodka eased the ache. It didn't take much of it to get Lovino completely hammered. He only used it when the memories pressed in and made coping an impossible feat. He saw the Russian weekly. The two had an agreement worked out. The Russian would sell Lovino vodka, no questions asked, and he would not tell Feliciano. Or Ludwig. Lovino, in return, would not turn the Russian in to the authorities for running the black market in this area. The agreement had worked well thus far.

Lovino broke the seal on the bottle and took a long drag, feeling the all-too-familiar burn as the liquid filled his throat. Lovino choked on a sob and coughed a few times as a mouthful of vodka dripped down his shirt and soaked into his sheets. He quickly raised the bottle back to his lips. _Damn you, Antonio Carriedo,_ he thought. _How can you still do this to me? Even after all this time?_

Another mouthful, another curse, another piece of his control slipping away.

By that evening, the bottle was dry. And neither Feliciano nor Ludwig noticed him slip out the front door and head down the lane.

* * *

Por favor - Please - Spanish

Ay dios mio - Oh my god - Spanish

Mi tomate - My tomato - Spanish

* * *

_**I wish I could see all of your faces right now. See if you're hanging on the edge of your seat like I HOPE you are.**_

_**Leave a review if you've got the time! Thank you SO much to everyone who has left reviews so far! Seriously, people... these things are what keep me going. I am DESPERATE not to let you all down! I see a new review and it completely makes my day!**_

_**Next chapter coming your way SOON! (Well, as soon as I write it...) **_

_**-Jack**_


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

"Come on, Toni! Mein _gott_! You're so boring since you got back!"

"Please, mon ami? Come drinking with us, like old times!"

"I already said no," Antonio said.

"Since when do you turn down drinks?" Gilbert asked. "I'll even buy you one! Saying no is out of the question, Toni."

"Please, Gil. Just shut up, okay? Ay-ai-ai. And get that stupid bird away from me. Why doesn't it have a cage?"

"You can't keep AWESOME in a cage, Toni! Gilbird is a free spirit!"

"Fine. Whatever. You two go. I'm just... gonna stay home. Maybe take a walk."

Francis narrowed his eyes at Antonio. "You are not thinking of taking a walk eastward, are you, mes ami? Because if you are, I would tie you to that chair to save your life. Consider it an intervention."

"You mean to the Vargas house? Mein gott, Toni! Do you have a DEATH WISH or something? You know my bruder lives there now, ja? Cross Lovi and you're crossing Feli. Cross Feli and West will KICK your ass all the way back to Spain." Gilbert noticed the strange look on Antonio's face. "Don't believe me? Just ask Francis about the time I tried"

"No," Antonio interrupted. "I believe you. And I wasn't planning on going to casa de la Vargas." Gilbert looked unconvinced.

Francis laid a hand on Gilbert's shoulder. "Come on, Gilbert. Antonio isn't going to do anything rash." Francis paused. "You aren't doing to do anything rash, are you, Antonio?"

Antonio gave a slight eye roll. "You mean take off without a word for three years? No, amigo. I don't plan on doing anything rash. At least not tonight."

This answer seemed to sate Francis, who quickly got Gilbert out the door. When the door clicked shut behind them, Antonio was left in silence. Something he'd known nothing of since returning to this shared flat one week ago. Unfortunately, with the silence came Antonio's thoughts. And since his encounter with Lovino that morning, they had not been peaceful ones.

Ahh, who was he kidding? His thoughts hadn't been peaceful for the last three years. Not when they were constantly filled with Lovino and that last, horrible fight.

"Ay-ai-ai," Antonio muttered to himself. "I think I will take that walk, after all."

* * *

The Russian was enjoying a quiet evening at home when the knocking started. Coming from the side door, where he made his business transactions. He didn't like to do business at this time of night. It was too early; barely even dark outside. The Russian frowned as the knocks turned into pounds, and he rose from his chair to investigate.

"What?" The Russian shouted as he swung the side door open. "Oh. Roma. What you want?"

"What the hell else would I want from you, bastard?" came the slurred reply from the Italian standing on the doorstep. Standing was too strong a word. He was actually swaying back and forth on the step, looking ready to fall over. The Russian wondered how he'd gotten there in the first place.

The Russian raised his eyebrows. "Oh? It seem you have too much already, da?"

Hazel eyes rimmed in red finally met the violet hued eyes of the Russian in a glare. "What are you talking about? Just gimme the damn vodka!"

"Nyet. What you try to forget with it, anyway?"

"What the hell!" Lovino shouted. "It's none of your business anyway! We have a deal..." Lovino searched his brain for the words he needed, but none were forth coming. "Fuck you!" Lovino finished.

The Russian almost chuckled. When sober, the Italian fairly cowered at the sight of him. He was much more liberated when drunk. "How much vodka you drink already tonight, Roma?"

"What's it to you?"

"I just want to know how much it take before you die of blood poisoning!"

Lovino's face twisted in a scowl. "Fuck you, bastard. See if I buy any more vodka from YOU!"

The Russian just chuckled. "You will not remember any of these words in morning, and you not find vodka any where else! So I will see you tomorrow, da?"

* * *

The yelling interrupted the quiet night the town was enjoying. Antonio's head turned to look down the alley, and he saw a light shining from an open door a few yards away. Antonio's heart kicked into overdrive as he recognized the voice. The curses shouted in a language Antonio had never fully grasped. "Lovino."

The Russian looked up and over Lovino's head when he heard a new voice through the string of Italian profanity. The Spaniard who had arrived in town a few days earlier jogged a few steps closer, his eyes focused on the drunk Italian. He looked mesmerized. The Russian didn't know who he was. He didn't really care who it was... it just looked like someone who might get the idiot off his doorstep before the cops showed up.

"You take him away home now, da, Spaniard?"

"Si, senor," the Spaniard said. "Come, Lovi."

Lovino's head twisted around to look at Antonio so quickly, Antonio thought it must have hurt. "Bastard!" Lovino said in surprise. It wasn't an angry utterance of the word, though. It might just as easily have been a name. "What are you doing here, Bastard?"

Antonio fitted his shoulder under Lovino's arm and slipped one arm around the Italian's waist. He was going to have to practically carry Lovino. Antonio wondered how he'd gotten to the Russian's house in the first place. "I think the better question is what are you doing here, mi tomate?" The nickname slid off Antonio's tongue so naturally, he almost didn't notice. His eyes widened as he waited for Lovino to react harshly.

Lovino simply hiccuped. "I ran out of vodka," the Italian slurred. "Drank it all. Need more." He seemed to realize he hadn't gotten what he'd come for and took a step toward the door again. "HEY! RUSSIAN!"

"Shh! Lovi. It's okay. You don't need more vodka now."

"Sure I do," Lovino said. "I need it. Ever since Toni-" another hiccup "-left me. Makes it hurt less."

Antonio's breath caught in his chest. "Makes what hurt less?"

"My heart, Bastard, wha'd you think?"

Antonio blinked hard and his steps faltered. Lovino didn't notice, however. He was too busy emptying the contents of his stomach into the middle of the street. This is crazy, Antonio thought. He'd never seen Lovino this drunk before. Lovino hadn't even noticed he was talking about Antonio in the third person. After Lovi finished throwing up, Antonio tried to get him moving again, but the Italian's foot caught on a loose stone in the street and he almost hit the ground. Antonio caught him before he could, but Lovino couldn't seem to stay on his feet after that.

"Forget this," Antonio muttered, and picked Lovino up bridal style, carrying him down the darkened street.

Lovino rested his head on Antonio's shoulder and once again, the Spaniard's heart caught in his chest. "I still love that bastard, though," Lovino said quietly. "He might have broken his promises, but I still love him."

Antonio's heart sank into the pit of his stomach at the confession. "Ahh Lovi," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. For everything."

Lovino made no reply. He was out cold.

Of course Antonio knew it was all his fault. He'd broken so many promises to Lovino. Lies, deception, broken promises. A single, drunken kiss. And instead of working it out, Antonio had run away. Run away, and stayed away, for so much longer than he had planned. He'd ruined everything with one choice. Everything he'd worked so hard to build with Lovino.

It was all his fault.

* * *

Mein gott - My god - German  
Mon ami - my friend - French  
Bruder - Brother - German  
Ja - yes - German  
Amigo - friend - Spanish  
Si senor - Yes sir - Spanish  
Nyet - No - Russian  
Da - Yes - Russian

* * *

_**So this chapter was longer than I hoped... I wanted to split it up, but then there'd be two super short chapters. SO I GUESS THIS IS A REWARD FOR ALL OF YOU BEING SO NICE TO ME!**_

_**Thanks to EVERYONE for your reviews! You have no idea how much they mean. I read and reread every single one. YOU GUIS ARE SO AWESOME AND NICE TO ME! It makes me write faster, I think. Hopefully it will be a continued trend... this is literally all I have written at the moment. Hopefully I'll still be able to post the next chapter tomorrow... I literally wrote the next chapter in my head while I was at work today. And I don't know how this is all gonna work out. I feel writer's block returning. Or maybe that's just English homework...**_

_**I saw a typo in the last chapter too. Fml. What a difference a single space can make, huh? I'll go back and fix it. Fret not, my little ones. I'll be more careful in the time to come.**_

_**Also, are you guys enjoying all the cameos? I certainly am... Did you catch them all? I particularly enjoyed my little Gilbird cameo in this chapter. (I would like to marry Gilbird, if that is all right with you, Prussia... Would you mind? I'm totally gay for your nation pet.))**_

_**Anyway, thanks for reading! Leave a review if you've got the time! **_

_**-Jack**_


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Lovino felt the light before he saw it. It was too strong, even through his tightly closed eyelids. A soft groan escaped him as the migraine seared through his brain. _Another hangover,_ Lovino thought. _Dio, it hurts like hell._He burrowed under the warm covers, protecting his eyes from the harsh light.

Lovino slowly opened his eyes in the darkness beneath the sheets. _Wait,_ Lovino thought, narrowing his hazel eyes. This wasn't his bed. Lovino pulled the blankets from his face, squinting hard in an effort to keep his eyes open long enough for him to get his bearings. This wasn't his bedroom, he realized. This wasn't any room in his house.

_Where the hell am I?_

Lovino sat upright, ignoring the protesting of his aching muscles and the throbbing in his head, and looked around a room that was foreign, yet at the same time all too familiar. He saw walls covered in brightly colored canvases... a desk littered with papers and a laptop computer... a guitar propped against the wall in one corner...

_Oh shit,_ Lovino thought. his eyes widening in recognition and horror. _Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! _He twisted to look behind him and everything was confirmed. The Spanish flag hung on the wall behind the bed, and Lovino knew exactly where he was.

"Dio mio," Lovino groaned, his voice low and husky. "How the fuck did I end up here?"

Another quick scan of the room told Lovino he was the only present party. But if he was here, in Antonio's room... in Antonio's bed... then Antonio had to be here. Somewhere.

_Think, think, think!_ Lovino ordered himself. The market. With Feliciano. He remembered going... running into Antonio... running home... His sluggish mind produced a picture of the empty vodka bottle Lovino had left. _Explains the fucking big hangover._

It might have explained the hangover, but it didn't explain to Lovino how he got to Antonio's house.

_Oh shit, the Russian._

A hazy memory formed in the back of Lovino's mind. He was yelling at the Russian, and suddenly Antonio was there. Antonio. Tall and strong, rugged and dashing, and obviously a blissful dream. Lovino saw him all the time when he'd had a bit too much to drink. Dream Antonio had swept Lovino off his feet and carried him away. Since it was just a dream, Lovino had, of course, allowed himself a moment to enjoy it. Rest in the strong arms that were so familiar. So _right_.

It all came crashing back and Lovino fell backwards into the soft mattress, his eyes closed from the pain of the migraine, the pleasure of the dream, and the horror that it hadn't been a dream at all.

_Oh my god, it wasn't a dream. _ Lovino tasted bile in the back of his throat. How much had he said out loud? How much had he said that he couldn't remember? _What the fuck did I do last night?_ Lovino lifted the blankets and glanced down. His shoes and outer shirt were gone, but he remained clothed. _At least the bastard didn't take advantage of me. _But Lovino knew that was a lie the instant he thought it. Antonio couldn't take advantage of Lovino if the thing Lovino wanted most in the world was Antonio. Lovino's eyes blinked and he stared at the ceiling, willing himself to remember the time missing from his memory.

"Good morning, Lovinito."

Lovino's eyes snapped to the doorway. Antonio was leaning against the frame, his entire body radiating a casual demeanor he did not feel. There was nothing casual about this situation. Nothing casual about seeing Lovino sleeping in his bed, his olive toned skin and dark hair a stark contrast against the yellow pillows and the red blankets. Casual was a feeling foreign to Antonio Carriedo. And it had been for a long time. He knew how to fake it, though. He'd gotten _good_at faking it.

Lovino swallowed hard, his mouth dry and tasting bitter. _How the hell do you look so calm, bastard? _Lovino thought. Hell. Calm hadn't even been a word in Lovino's vocabulary since yesterday morning, when an impatient Italian collided with an unobservant Spaniard and this whole mess had ripped open scars that had never fully healed.

"Why the hell am I here, bastard?"

"You were drunk, Lovi. You passed out."

"So you carried me to your house and put me in your bed?"

"Ay, it's not like you've never slept in my bed before, Lovi. And I slept in the chair if that's what you're so worried about."

"Why didn't you just take me home?"

"I could not carry you all the way back to your house in the dark last night." Antonio took a sip from the porcelain mug in his hand. "Besides. I figured if I took you home like that, Feli and Ludwig would blame it on me. That, or ask questions you and I both know you don't want to answer."

Damn. When he was right, he was right. Lovino hoped he could sneak back into the house undetected. Ideally, Feliciano would never know that Lovino had even left his room. Lovino knew that even if Ludwig found out, he wouldn't tell Feli, because they both knew it would just upset him. It was one of the few things Lovino liked about the potato bastard.

"Coffee?"

"Hell yes."

Antonio's mouth quirked in a half-smile as he disappeared from the doorway, only to return moments later with a cup of coffee. To be completely honest, he was shocked that Lovino hadn't run out the door the instant he'd realized where he was. He had no idea how long this would last, but for the moment, he enjoyed the presence of his former lover. No yelling, no insulting, no look of hatred or terror or sadness on his face. It was almost... Normal. The word sounded foreign as it rolled around in his brain. Nothing about his and Lovino's relationship had ever been normal.

Lovino drained his coffee cup in record time and gave a look of disgust. "This instant shit is disgusting."

"A refill?"

"Yeah." Lovino didn't care how crappy the coffee was. It was the only sure-fire way to get rid of this damn migraine. It was the only reason he was still here. He was having a hard time sitting up without the room spinning. He'd never make it home like this. And he sure as hell wasn't having Antonio take him home. Lovino needed to get out of there, though. His defenses were dropping by the second. He was too comfortable in this familiar setting. "Hey wait!"

Antonio stopped in the doorway and turned back. "Si?"

Lovino frowned hard and stared past Antonio into the hallway. "Where's the rest of your Fucked-Up-Friends Trio, or whatever the French bastard calls it?"

Antonio's eyebrow quirked. "Gilbert and Francis are passed out in Francis's room. They'll be there for a while. I wouldn't worry." He moved to leave again, but once he had passed out of sight, he called back "And et es called ze Bad Touch Trio, mon cher!"

Lovino rolled his eyes and almost laughed at the horrible French accent the Spaniard produced in his imitation of Francis. He caught himself though. His eyes slid shut and he clenched the blankets in his fists. _Dio, I can't TAKE this._Antonio was getting to him. He'd barely done anything, and Lovino felt himself being drawn back in. Like metal to a magnet. There was no stopping the attraction. The only thing keeping Lovino from pulling that Spanish bastard into bed with him was the memory of a past betrayal, and the slice of pain through a broken heart.

He wasn't going to let Antonio do that to him again.

* * *

Dio mio - My god - Italian

Mon cher - My dear - French

Si - Yes - Spanish

* * *

**_Well this chapter was also longer than I anticipated. Longer chapters for the win? Yea or nay? Tell me when you post your REVIEW! :D_**

**_So there's that. And I'm gonna let you guys in on a secret: I don't know what's happening in the next chapter. Or any chapter beyond that, really. I want to write a lemon, but I'm afraid of screwing up the whole story. Of course, I'm a sucker for a happy ending, and I know I just spoiled EVERYTHING with that one detail... But I need ideas on how to get there._**

**_My biggest problem is writing myself into a wall. *pounds face against the wall* Every time. Happens every... damn... time._**

**_Also... please don't kill me for this chapter being late. -hides behind shield-_**

**_-Jack_**


	8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Antonio refilled Lovino's coffee mug quickly, anxious to get back. He was still afraid that Lovino would disappear if he took his eyes off him for too long.

Footsteps sounded from behind Antonio. A surge of panic shot through him. Was Lovino leaving already? Of course he was. Who was Antonio kidding? Lovino didn't trust him. Antonio couldn't blame him for that. In Lovino's eyes, Antonio had committed the biggest act of betrayal one could make in a relationship. Antonio whirled around, ready to stop the Italian man from leaving. He had to get everything cleared up. It didn't matter anymore that Antonio and Lovino were through. He'd accepted that. Last night, watching Lovino sleep, with the drunken confession running through his brain. But he had to tell Lovino what had really happened. He deserved that much.

"Lo–" Antonio began, but stopped just as quickly.

Red eyes squinted back at him as Gilbert scratched himself and staggered into the kitchen. "Was oben ist, brohas?"

"Uhh..." Antonio's brain raced. He honestly hadn't expected his friends to be up now. They never got out of bed until well after noon after a night of drinking. And it was only 9am. "Good morning, Gil. Coffee?"

"Ja." The albino man seated himself on a stool and slumped over on the countertop.

_Act natural,_ Antonio told himself. _They can't know Lovi is here._ "Have fun last night?"

"Natürlich! The awesome me always has fun when drinking beer!"

Antonio slid a cup of coffee toward his friend and picked up Lovino's. "Well, I've got some work to do, so I'll be in my room."

"Come on, man! Don't you want to hear about the awesome night you missed? Mein gott, it was awesome. Francis and I did karaoke!"

"Maybe later. You're up awful early, anyway, mi amigo."

"Ach! Francis got all shovey and kicked me out. Are you really going to make me entertain myself, Toni?"

"Si."

"Ach! You're such a damn miesmacher!"

"I don't think I want to know what that means."

"It just means–"

"I don't want to know, Gilbert. I'm leaving now."

Gilbert waved a hand. "Fine. Leave me in my awesome."

"Drink your coffee, it'll help your hangover."

"Fick dich, Toni."

"Just go back to bed."

Antonio hurried back to his room and shut the door behind him. Lovino looked up with a scowl. "What the hell took so long, bastard?"

"Sorry. Gilbert woke up."

Lovino's eyes widened. Antonio quickly assured him that he had no idea Lovino was there.

"He better not find out, bastard. If he knows, then everyone knows."

Antonio knew he was right. Gilbert couldn't keep a secret if his life depended upon it.

"He won't find out, Lovi. Here, here's your coffee."

Lovino snatched the cup from Antonio's grip and took a drink. When he had swallowed, he glanced at the door. "I should go."

Antonio's heart sank. "Wait a few minutes. Maybe Gilbert will go back to bed."

"Fine. But I'm only staying because I don't want my fratello to find out."

"Lovino..." Antonio took a hesitant step closer. "I know you probably don't want to hear this... but can we please–"

"You really want to do this, bastard?" Lovino kept his voice low, so that no one else in the house would overhear, but the emotions make it thick, and Lovino didn't like that. He didn't like letting people know when he was about to cry. "I'm not going to forgive you."

"Fine. Just let me tell you what happened."

"I don't want to hear this." Lovino's heart clenched.

"Please, Lovi. I can't leave this unsettled. I know you can't forgive me, and I know you can't trust me. You don't have to believe it. But it's the truth. And I can't keep this in anymore."

Lovino stared hard at the Spaniard, tears pooling behind his eyes. "Fine. Tell me what happened."

* * *

Was oben ist - What's up - German  
Natürlich - Naturally - German  
Miesmacher - killjoy - German  
Fick dich - fuck you - German  
Fratello - Brother - Italian

* * *

_**Next chapter it ALL COMES OUT. :3 I'm excited. I want to know what's gonna happen.**_  
_**What? You mean I'm supposed to be WRITING it? :O Well I'd better figure out what really happened. I've got a pretty good idea, though... Any guesses, folks? **_

_**Hey I've never met you**_  
_**And this is crazy**_  
_**But I'm writing this story**_  
_**So review it maybe?**_

_**Thanks to everyone who gave me ideas and support after the last chapter. Your confidence in me is astounding. Wish I had it in myself. Did you guys know I wrote the prologue as a one-shot? Wasn't really expecting my first ever Hetalia fan-fic to be a full-blown STORY.**_

_**-Jack**_


	9. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

"Can I sit?" Antonio asked, motioning to the end of the bed. There was a chair against the wall, but Antonio didn't want to be that far from Lovino. Lovino hesitated a moment before nodding. He pushed himself back, against the headboard, and angled his legs away from Antonio. Antonio's heart sank a little lower at the motion, but he sat at the foot of the bed, his feet planted on the carpet, turned mostly away from Lovino. Memories flooded back, and for the first time, Antonio let them. He only hoped it would be the last time as well. "It all started with a night out for a few drinks..."

* * *

_"Little Lovi! Come drinking with us! The awesome me has invited you! You should feel honored!"_

_"Shut up, Potato Bastard. I don't want to hang out with you."_

_"Ach, fine! Be that way! See if I ever grace you with the awesomeness of my invitations again!"_

_"Gilbert, let Lovino be!" Antonio slung an arm around Lovino's shoulders. "He has better things to do than watch you drink your weight in beer, and Francis hit on everyone at the bar."_

_"Damn straight," Lovino said, his eyes rolling. "But I promised Feliciano I'd help him with his dumb surprise for his damn boyfriend. Maybe I'll come get a drink after."_

_Antonio planted a chaste kiss on Lovino's mouth. "Don't worry about coming. I'll see you when I get home!"_

* * *

_"Elizaveta! Baby! Come on! Why won't you leave that boring arschloch for a real man?"_

_"And where might I find one of those? Antonio's taken, and I don't see another one around here..."_

_Antonio laughed, maybe a little too heartily, at the woman's joke. He'd had a few too many drinks, and everything was funnier when drunk. Especially when it came to Gilbert and Elizaveta's flirting. "Chica brillante we have here, Gilbert!"_

_"Eliza! Baby... Come on now. You don't have to deny yourself the awesome any longer! It's right here!"_

_"All I see is a drunk albino with an over inflated ago."_

_"A_ sexy-ass _drunk albino with an over inflated ego!" Gilbert corrected._

_"Keep telling yourself that, Gilbert. Maybe some day it will come true!"_

_"Honhonhon! Mon cher, that day has already come! How can you turn down such a wickedly handsome man as Gilbert?"_

_"Then you sleep with him, Francis."_

_"Already done, mon cher. Honhonhon!"_

_"Ach! Lizzy!" Gilbert interrupted, slamming his glass on the table and trying to regain the conversation. "There's no way you like Toni better than the awesome me."_

_"Yes, there is."_

_"You're just trying to make me jealous, Lizzy! It's working. Let's have sex."_

_Elizaveta rolled her eyes. "No, Gil."_

_"WHAT?! THAT ALWAYS WORKS ON YOU!"_

_"It's never worked on me."_

_Gilbert muttered something in German and reached for his beer. "Ach! More beer! The awesome Prussian needs more beer! You should come with him and keep his awesome company."_

_"When he starts referring to himself as "Ze Awesome Prussian", you know the last thing he needs is more beer," Elizaveta remarked to Antonio and Francis as Gilbert sauntered toward the bar, but she followed him anyway._

_Antonio reached for his drink. "Ay, Francis, you haven't found anyone to take home tonight! Are you losing your touch, mi amigo?"_

_"Oh, never, Antoine! I have my eye on one." Francis smiled._

_"Si? What are you waiting for? It isn't like you, Francis. No one can resist your charms!"_

_Francis sat up, his blue eyes widening. "Are you saying I should make my move then, Antoine?"_

_"Si! Nothing has stopped you before!"_

_"Oh, so many things have stopped me before, mon cher." Francis' eyes narrowed seductively as he leaned toward Antonio. "But if you insist."_

_The next thing Antonio knew, they were kissing._

* * *

_Across the bar, Lovino stopped in his tracks, frozen in disbelief. He had come for a drink and to look for Antonio, only to spot him with the Frenchman in his lap, the two lost in a passionate kiss. A sick feeling wedged it's way into Lovino's stomach as he stared in horror._

_"Lovi! You came after all! I knew you couldn't resist mine awesome invitation!" Gilbert noticed the green color of Lovino's face. "Lovino? Eh, what's wrong, bro? You look so unawesome."_

_"Lovino?" Elizaveta chimed in, her voice worried. "What is wrong?"_

_Lovino's hazel eyes landed on Gilbert and Elizaveta for a moment before he turned and ran out the door, pushing past patrons in his frantic escape._

_"Lovino!" Elizaveta called. The Italian did not look back._

_~FLASHBACK TO BE CONTINUED~_

* * *

_Si - Yes - Spanish_  
_Arseloch - Asshole - German_  
_Mon cher - My dear - French_  
_Mi amigo - My friend - Spanish_  
_Chica brillante - Brilliant girl - Spanish_

* * *

**_Another long-ass chapter. And the flashback isn't even DONE. Damn. Did anyone see the Francis thing coming? Because it's BASICALLY what I've had in mind the whole time. I put in some PruHun because I can. It's the only straight Hetalia couple I ship, even though I'm portraying Gil as bi-sexual. All I need is some SuFin up in this baby and I'll be on cloud nine. All my OTPs in one place. _**

**_My twin sister told me that my portrayal of Prussia had her on the floor laughing. Basically made my week._**

**_On that note: Feedback and reviews GREATLY appreciated._**

**_Until next chapter!_**

**_-Jack_**


	10. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

_When Antonio woke up the next morning, the other side of the bed was empty. Wincing at his migraine, he pulled himself out of bed and to the kitchen in search of Lovino. But he was nowhere to be found. Was he even here when I got home last night? Antonio asked himself. He couldn't remember. Maybe he stayed at Feli's last night, Antonio thought, and brushed the thought aside, deciding to head toward the Vargas house once his hangover was under control._

_That afternoon, Antonio walked up the hill toward the Vargas house. It was the official residence of Feliciano and Lovino - after their grandfather had passed, he had left it to them. Antonio let himself inside._

_"Lovi?" he called, stepping over the threshold and into the entryway. "Feli?" There was no response._

_Moving through the house, Antonio caught sight of a white piece of paper left on the kitchen table. It was a note to Lovino from Feliciano, saying that he had left and would not be back until late that afternoon._

_"Lovinito!" Antonio called again. Then he heard it; the sound of running water. Antonio smiled. He'd caught Lovi in the shower! This could be fun..._

_Antonio went upstairs to Lovino's bedroom. The door to the bathroom that adjoined the bedroom was left open, and Antonio could see the silhouette of his slim Italian lover's body through the curtain. Antonio decided to slip into Lovino's bed and see how long it took Lovi to notice him. He heard the shower turn off, and Lovino appeared momentarily, drying his hair with a towel. Antonio smirked as he admired the smooth, naked body of the younger man. He'd never loved anyone like he loved Lovino. He didn't think he ever would._

_Just then, Lovino turned to head into his room to dress and caught sight of Antonio staring at him. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared back at Antonio. Antonio smirked harder. "Buenos dias, mi tomate."_

_"What are you doing here?"_

_Antonio's grin faded. Lovino seemed cold. "What's wrong, Lovi?"_

_"Don't even try to play that game with me, bastard. I know what you did last night."_

_Antonio frowned. "Si, we went drinking. Of course you know! Gilbert invited you."_

_"But you didn't," Lovino said. "You told me not to come."_

_"You never come, Lovi. I didn't think Gil asking you would change your mind."_

_"Is that why you thought it was okay?"_

_"What?" Antonio was confused. "Drinking?"_

_"Bastardo! Stop playing dumb! I KNOW what you did last night. I SAW you."_

_Antonio stood up and faced Lovino. "Saw WHAT? Lovi..."_

_Then Antonio remembered._

_Lovino knew the instant he remembered. Antonio's face paled and his eyes went wide. Lovino's eyes hardened. "Care to repeat that, bastard?"_

_"Lovi, it's not what you think," Antonio said._

_"It looked pretty clear last night."_

_"It was Francis-"_

_"Don't pin this on the French bastard! It doesn't matter who started it. The point is it happened. And it didn't look like you protested too hard."_

_"Lovi, I swear. It was nothing."_

_"It was nothing for you to cheat on me? Is that what I am to you? Just something to occupy your time, something you never really cared about in the first place?_

_"Don't do that, Lovi. Don't spin this out of proportion. I didn't cheat on you with Francis, Lovino!"_

_"How can you fucking lie to my face like this? I saw you with him!"_

_"It is not what you think, Lovi! Por favor, listen to what I am telling you! Why would I hurt mi tomate like that?"_

_"I don't know, bastard, why would you? Were you bored? Ready to move on like you always do? Like you ALWAYS do!"_

_"No, Lovi! Ay dios mio, why won't you LISTEN?"_

_"Because you're lying! You've been lying since the beginning! How could I ever have believed you that I was different? That I was an exception?"_

_"No! Lovi I am not lying! You ARE the exception! The only exception! Ay dios, why won't you just LISTEN?"_

_"CHIGI! You're such a lying bastard! I'll never trust you again! I'll never trust ANYONE again!" Lovino turned and stoped toward his closet, but Antonio was right there, grabbing his arm and spinning him back around._

_"Don't do this, Lovi. Is this all I am to you? Someone who pretended to care for all this time? You don't really believe that, do you, mi amor?"_

_"Don't CALL ME THAT." Lovino ripped his arm out of Antonio's grasp and bolted into the closet, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it. Antonio knocked and shouted to Lovino through the door, trying to reason with him._

_"GO AWAY, BASTARD!" Lovino screamed. Then he pressed his hand to his mouth as he choked back the overwhelming sobs. The sound of Antonio's voice went quiet. Lovino heard hesitant footsteps retreat from the room, and the front door opening and shutting. He curled up in a ball on the floor of his closet and cried._

* * *

_Antonio packed his clothes in a hurry. He needed to get away. Give Lovi a little time to cool off. He'd been promising his parents a visit for months. Antonio's hands shook as he shoved clothes into his suitcase. Thoughts of Francis' kiss last night, half blurred by alcohol, filled his vision. Lovi had seen that? _

Ay dios, _Antonio thought. _No wonder he's pissed. Why the hell didn't I think faster?

_Because drunk and surprised, Antonio had forgotten everything but the feel of plump lips against his, the sensation of being kissed by a man with the invention of French Kissing in his heritage. It had lasted longer than it should have, and as soon as Antonio got his wits about him it had ended. Francis has laughed and apologized, and Antonio let it go, but that didn't change the fact that for one moment, Antonio had forgotten Lovino existed._

I'm not running away, _Antonio reasoned with himself. _ I'm giving him some space.

_No. He was running away. No number of arguments otherwise would change that. Somewhere, deep down inside, Antonio knew that. He zipped up his suitcase and breathed a heavy sigh._

Adios, Lovino.

* * *

_Bastardo - Bastard (Go figure...-eyeroll-) - Italian_  
_Buenos dias - Good day - Spanish_  
_Mi tomate - my tomato - Spanish_  
_Ay dios mio - Oh my god - Spanish_  
_Mi amor - my love - Spanish_  
_Por favor - Please - Spanish_  
_Si - Yes - Spanish_  
_Adios - Goodbye - Spanish_

* * *

_**-Hides under table- Feedback. Review. Please don't kill me. I don't know why you would, but I'm prepared. I WILL FIGHT! This, FYI, is basically what Antonio is telling Lovino, even though he can remember the fight himself. Yes, I am aware of the fact that the last tiny bit was from Lovi's perspective, but screw logic, I wanted you to know the feels.**_

_**Shout out to cassidieissocoollike: I frickin' LOVE how you reviewed EVERY CHAPTER as you read, and that you read it all in one night. XD I was like... YES. THIS PERSON... THIS IS WHAT I NEED. So review. All of you. 3**_

_**I'm writing the lemon, but I dunno if it'll make the final cut. I don't want it to be vanilla fluff sex after they've made up. I want it to be something more along the lines of passionate love-making that basically clinches the fact that they both want each other but are too afraid. I dunno how to work it in. Especially since they're already having their confrontation. Maybe I'll have to leave it for another fic...**_

_**-Jack**_


	11. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Lovino swallowed hard as Antonio wrapped up his story. He was trying like hell not to let any emotions slip through, but it wasn't working. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He clenched his jaw and brushed the tear away, unable to decipher the emotions inside of him.

He believed Antonio. He really did. More than anything, he wanted to forgive him, but his heart and his brain were on two different channels. He didn't know which one to listen to.

Finally, when Antonio had finished what he had to say, he turned toward Lovino and those green eyes locked on hazel. Lovino saw Antonio's emotions, clear as crystal. Sorrow. Remorse. Guilt. Pain. "I'm so sorry Lovi," Antonio whispered, his emerald eyes glassing over with the tears he'd held back through his story. "I cannot tell you how sorry I am."

"Shut up, bastard," Lovino whispered back, his voice thick.

"I don't know if you believe me or not, and I don't know if you can forgive me. It's okay if you can't. I understand. I made mistakes, Lovi. I hurt you."

"Shut up," Lovino choked. "You're such a coward for leaving like that."

"I can't stop hating myself for leaving the truth unspoken for so long. For letting this stand unresolved."

"Antonio, just shut up!" Lovino sobbed.

"Lovi, I'll never forgive myself for hurting you. Never. Not if I live to be hundred. Not if I live-"

Antonio never got the chance to finish. Not with a pair of smooth, Italian lips pressed against his mouth.

Lovino kissed Antonio. Kissed him hard. Kissed him with all the longing and desire he had felt during their three years apart. Antonio kissed back, his eyes sliding shut, immediately losing himself in the familiar taste of Lovino... the soft touch of Lovino's hand on his face.

"TONI!" The door burst open, banging loudly against the wall. The kiss broke as Gilbert took them by surprise. "Toni! West just called. Lovi is missing-" GIlbert's red eyes blinked in surprise when he finally saw the two occupants of the room. For a moment, he was silent - something Gilbert never was. "Never mind, Francis!" Gilbert shouted when he regained his tongue.

"Gil," Antonio said, springing from his seat and crossing to his friend. "It's not what it looks like."

"Looks like all has been forgiven, brohas," Gilbert said. "No big deal. I'll just call West back-"

"No!" Antonio and Lovino shouted at the same time.

Gilbert blinked again. "What's up with you two?" Gilbert raised one, white eyebrow. "Is this the _work_ you had to do this morning, Toni?"

"Shut up, Gilbert," Antonio said. "I told you, it is not what you think."

"What do you mean, 'Never mind'?" Francis appeared in the hallway and strode toward Gilbert. "If the little foul-mouthed Vargas is missing, then we must look for him." Then Francis too caught sight of Lovino, who by now had sprung out of Antonio's bed to rail at Gilbert. "Lovino! Antonio?"

"Ay dios mio," Antonio groaned, running a hand through his curly brown hair.

"You're all BASTARDS!" Lovino screamed. Then, shoving Gilbert and Francis out of his way, he bolted from the house.

* * *

_Ay dios mio - I'm pretty sure I should be able to stop translating this. It's been in, like, every chapter. The translation hasn't changed._

* * *

_**Please don't kill me. I know it's short and cliffhangery... I'm really sorry.**_

_**Wanna hear something goofy? I stayed up until midnight last night, writing this chapter. I wrote it as the last chapter. Then I woke up this morning and thought about it, and being unsatisfied with my ending, proceeded to rewrite everything after the kiss. In an hour. Before work. I'm gonna post the alternate ending on my Facebook page. You guys should go like it, and then tell me which is better. I created this page for just such purposes as alternate scenes and deleted scenes and behind the scenes stories that I can't post here. Jackson Hanning. Facebook it. I'll try to post the link on my profile later. :)**_

_**REVIEWS! I love you people who review. I like the rest of you, too, but I can identify the ones who review.**_

_**LovinaxAntonio: WHAT? UPDATE MORE OFTEN? EVERY DAY ISN'T SOON ENOUGH FOR YOU? Granted, I missed two days... but that totally wasn't my fault! And unless I have the whole thing practically FINISHED before I start posting, my next stories are NOT going to be this frequently updated. Just a warning.**_

_**Also, I love all you people who keep calling me "Dear" and "Darling". My grandma is the only one who does that. xD Everyone else calls me Jack! Or dude. But you can call me darling if you /want/ to. I care not.**_

_**-Jack**_


	12. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

When Antonio appeared on the doorstep of the Vargas house just before lunchtime, Ludwig Beillschmidt was no surprised. Lovino had burst through the door just an hour earlier and immediately locked himself into his room and ignored his younger brother's attempts at reaching him. Ludwig had then called his brother back to tell him that Lovino was no longer missing, and got the full update on Gilbert's assumptions about the couple he had stumbled upon that morning. Antonio would have followed sooner, but had been detained by Francis and Gilbert for what was just shy of interrogation.

Feliciano, however, did not know any of this. He studied Antonio with curious suspicion before allowing him inside. Antonio, remembering his last words with Feliciano, was careful to tread lightly with the young Italian. He had no intention of hurting Lovino any more, nor of leaving again, but he did not know what Feliciano would interpret of his actions. After a few stilted sentences, Ludwig finally broke the awkward conversation. "Why don't you go up and see if he will talk to you. You remember where his room is, no?"

Antonio took Ludwig's words as a lifeline. He loved Feliciano dearly, but the way his amber eyes were narrowed on him, analyzing his every breath... it was freaking Antonio out, to say the least. "Si, I remember."

Taking the steps two at a time, Antonio quickly reached the upper floor and found Lovino's door at the end of the hall. He knocked softly. There was no response. He knocked again. "Lovi? It's me. It's Antonio."

Antonio was just opening his mouth to try and convince Lovino to let him inside, when he heard a squeak, followed by footsteps, and finally, the click of the lock opening. When Antonio heard the squeak again, he placed his hand on the knob and slowly opened the door.

"Lovi?"

"Why'd you follow me, bastard?" Lovino asked. He was curled up on his bed, facing away from the door, a pillow wrapped tightly in his arms.

"Because," Antonio replied simply.

"Because why?"

"Because of a lot of reasons," Antonio said, letting himself all the way inside and shutting the door behind him. He came to a stop beside Lovino's bed; close enough to touch.

"Like what reasons?"

"First, I wanted to know if you were okay. Your hangover..."

"Fine," Lovino lied. His head was still pounding.

"And I wanted to know if you were angry."

"At what?"

"At Gilbert. Francis. Me."

"I'm always mad at the potato bastards. I hate Francis and always have, more so in the last three years. And yes, I'm mad at you, too. But it's different with you."

"How so?"

There was a long pause. Antonio sat on the edge of the bed behind Lovino, angled so that he could see the Italian. Finally, Lovino said "I'm mad at you for being a coward. For staying away so damn long. For being scared of a stupid fight. We fight all the time, bastard. Why was that one different?"

"Y-you were so angry... And I wasn't sure what I'd done. With Francis, I mean. I wasn't sure... I didn't know if it was cheating or not. I didn't know how it made me feel. And after I decided, I'd already been gone for a long time... And I thought..."

"Thought what?" Lovino asked when the pause got too lengthy.

"Thought maybe you would have moved on already."

Lovino rolled onto his back and looked at Antonio, his hazel eyes filled with confusion and a little bit of hurt. "How could I move on when I was still in love with you?"

Antonio felt like he was drowning in Lovino's gaze. He felt himself being pulled down, down toward Lovino. "I... I don't... know..." Antonio whispered the words, moving until his lips were separated from Lovino's by barely an inch. And then there was no barrier. Just Antonio and Lovino; their lips pressed together in a fervent kiss for the second time that morning.

Antonio couldn't explain it. The sensation he felt when Lovino touched him. When he touched Lovino. Three years ago they'd had chemistry. Now they had electricity. It sparked inside Antonio as Lovino ran his tongue along the Spaniard's lip, and coursed through him as Lovino wrapped his arms around his neck.

Lovino lost track of time as they kissed. They kissed for a minute; they kissed for eternity. Somewhere in between, Lovino started unbuttoning Antonio's shirt. "Lovi?" Antonio murmured, his hot breath brushing against Lovino's ear.

"Shut up and kiss me, Toni," Lovino ordered, quickly pulling his own shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. He grabbed Antonio's arms and pulled him down until there was no space between them. Antonio felt that electric spark growing as he brushed a hand down Lovino's bare side. It felt so familiar; so absolutely perfect. The way they fit together, like they were made for each other. When Lovino tore his mouth from Antonio's to trail a line of kisses down his neck, he could not contain a moan of pure pleasure. "You like that, Toni?" Lovino whispered. He nipped at Antonio's neck a few times before moving back to his mouth for a deep kiss.

Antonio's fingers seemed to move of their own accord, sliding down and undoing the button on Lovino's jeans, but then he seemed to freeze. Was this really what Lovino wanted? More than anything, he was terrified that this was Lovino acting on three years of need, and when it was over, he would tell Antonio that it hadn't meant anything. That he had no intention of forgiving Antonio, and that he would say he never wanted to see him again.

Antonio came out of his thoughts in time to realize that Lovino had removed his pants himself, and had Toni's half off. The fear of rejection faded: not gone, but overtaken by other, more pressing sensations as Lovino palmed the bulge in Antonio's boxers. Antonio couldn't fight it anymore. No matter what happened afterwards, he couldn't stop this now. Either he would be forgiven, or he would have one last time to remember Lovino by. His hands moved opposite directions: one down to grasp Lovino's arousal, the other up to tug on that erogenous curl.

Lovino swallowed a cry when Antonio touched him. After all this time, it still felt so good. Lovino hadn't been a virgin his first time with Antonio, but it had never been as good as Toni made it. And Toni still remembered the curl. Lovino's fingers curled into Antonio's arms as Antonio kissed his neck. He let his eyes slide shut in pleasure. "Please, Toni," Lovino said, his voice low, husky, and barely audible. "Please."

How could he say no?

* * *

_Si - Yes - Spanish_  
_That was the only one, right? Idk. I'm too lazy to go check..._

* * *

_**Well, it's half a lemon. I'm too shy and have too much of my virginity intact to write the rest at this juncture.**_

_**Anyway, read, review, follow, favorite. It's very symmetrical. The rest of this story WILL be up BY then end of the week. And I'm super sorry for not posting yesterday. I had a shitload of crap to do. Hopefully the longer chapter and the half-lemon make up for it? E.P. Wat.s: Please no fishy slap. My complexion is too fair. I will give you a cookie if you no slappy me with dead fishy. Or live fishy. Any fishy. Unless it's a fish STICK. In which case, I would hug you and then eat it. I love fishsticks.**_

_**I'll probably post the next chapter tonight.**_

_**-Jack**_


	13. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Lovino did not want to let go.

He wasn't sure if he'd forgiven Antonio or not. He knew he trusted him. That much was for sure. The sincerity in his eyes and the pure remorse in his voice while telling his story had convinced Lovino that he was telling the truth. And in all honesty, Lovino had spent the last three years wondering if he'd gotten it all wrong, anyway. Maybe what he had seen was just Francis being Francis. But since he couldn't talk about it with Antonio, he'd stuffed it inside and turned it to anger, as was his nature. Antonio had run away. That must mean he was guilty. Right?

Lovino wasn't convinced. He never had been. And right now, after making love to Antonio; right here, entwined in his arms... Lovino did not want to move for fear Antonio would decide to leave again and this time never come back. He did not want to say anything for fear of messing everything up. He just lay there, clutching Antonio as if his life depended on it, trying not to cry. _Ti amo, Antonio. Ti amo, ti amo, ti amo per sempre, ti amo tanto._

"Ti amo, Antonio."

At first, Lovino didn't realize he had spoken the words. But when Antonio went very still, and the thumb that had been stroking Lovino's back froze in place, Lovino realized he'd spoken his thought. He swallowed, trying to vanquish the emotions and fears from his mind. He failed. It was a long moment before Antonio spoke.

"I don't know what's going through your head right now, Lovino... And I'm not sure where the two of us stand. But sure as my name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, I know that I love you with all my heart. And if I ever lost you again, my heart would surely break, and it would not be long before I died of the sadness and pain."

Lovino pressed harder into Antonio's chest. "I love you, Antonio. I love you so much that I have to forgive you. I have to forgive you, because I know that not forgiving you would just kill me. I love you and I trust you, but if I can't forgive you, then it's like I'm lying about that. And I can't do that."

"Ay, Lovi," Antonio closed his eyes and pressed his lips to the top of Lovino's head. He took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of shampoo and sweat and the faintest hint of liquor. "You know I don't expect your forgiveness."

"I know. I'm giving it to you, Antonio." Lovino looked up and met the green eyes of the man he loved. "I forgive you." The words were like breaking the dam that had been holding in all of his emotions. Tears began to pour down his face as he continued. "And I'm sorry for being angry. I'm sorry I couldn't believe you sooner. I'm sorry that all of this happened." A sob wracked Lovino's body and Antonio tightened his grip.

"Never be sorry, mi amor. There is nothing to be sorry for. Everything is as it should be."

Lovino nodded against Antonio's bare chest. "Don't leave me, Toni."

"Never again, mi precioso Lovino. Never again."

* * *

_Ti amo - I love you - Italian_  
_Per sempre - Forever - Italian_  
_Tanto - So much - Italian_  
_Mi amor - my love - Spanish_  
_mi precioso Lovino - My precious Lovino - Spanish_

* * *

**_Screw this, the Epilogue is up!_**


	14. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

_**One year later... (Give or take...)**_

Antonio Carriedo woke to the sensation of soft lips against his own. Smiling, he kissed back, tasting his lover without even opening his eyes. "Good morning to you too, Lovinito."

"Happy anniversary," Lovino mumbled, his face flushing red. Antonio cracked one eye open and grinned at the shade of Lovino's face.

"Happy anniversary," Antonio replied. "You remembered."

"Of course I did, I'm not a moron."

"Maybe I should say... You care."

"Of course I care, bastard! Why the hell would we be here if I didn't care?"

Antonio chuckled and pulled Lovi down into another kiss. "I'm sorry, mi tomate" he said after he released Lovino. "I know you care."

Lovino sighed and laid down again beside Antonio, who put his arm around his lover, settling his hand at Lovino's waist. "Ti amo, Antonio," Lovino said softly, his lips almost close enough to touch Antonio's ear.

"Te amo, Lovino. Te amo tanto."

* * *

_Ti amo - I love you - Italian_  
_Te amo tanto - I love you so much - Spanish_  
_Mi tomate - My tomato - Spanish_

* * *

**_YAY SUPER-SHORT, SAPPY, VANILLA FLUFF EPILOGUE! SO HAPPY AND SWEET I'M GONNA DIE OF A SUGAR OVERDOSE._**

**_Disclaimer I SHOULD have put at the beginning: WARNING - Reading this chapter may cause diabetes. Those with high-blood sugar should not read this._**

**_Heh. I could have ended better, but I should have plotted this all out before I went and posted it online. Did I mention to you guys that this was made up as I went along? Seriously. I would post a chapter, then go write the next one. It's practically a miracle that this one is finished._**

**_E.P. Wat.s: Yes. I will trade you the cookie for the fishstick._**

**_Franceypants01: Yes, you were rooting for the lemon, weren't you? Well, I almost got there. Thank you for the fishystick._**

**_I.L.L: *noms on fishstick* OMG I LURV YOU GUYS YOU GIVE ME IMAGINARY VERSIONS OF MY FAVORITE FOOD. Here, have a cookie. *makes it rain double chocolate chip cookies*  
_**

**_Oh, and guys! Go like my Facebook page! You can find the link in my profile. Why should you like my Facebook page? Because... SPECIAL STUFF HAPPENS ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE! By the time you read this, I will have posted the ALMOST-ENDING - The Alternate version of Chapter 10! SO GO READ IT, IT'S SO LAME BUT WHO CARES? :D_**

**_Next up, a special treat for all of you! My AMAZINGLY TALENTED AND GORGEOUS SISTER AUTUMN has FINALLY agreed to let me post the story she thought up! Since she is convinced she can't write, she has told me basically what she wants to happen and then she watches over my shoulder as I craft it into story form. It's our joint NaNoWriMo project. We've got the first two chapters done, but we want to get a little further before we start posting. Hopefully before Thanksgiving! (End of November for anyone who doesn't live in the U.S...)_**

**_Anyway. FEEDBACK. REVIEW._**

**_Until next time!_**

**_Your friend and mine,_**  
**_Jack_**


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